- A religious truth that is incomprehensible to reason and knowable only through divine revelation.
- Any one of a series of absurd novels featuring choir director/detective Hayden Konig.
Why do people keep dying in the little town of St. Germaine, North Carolina?
[These] liturgical detective mysteries have taken me to that place where I can't breath, my words make no sense, and tears roll down my cheeks because I'm laughing so hard.
It's been a long time since we've had so much fun reading a mystery.
It's like Mitford meets Jurrasic Park, only without the wisteria and the dinosaurs.
Procure this bit of fun as quickly as possible. Better yet, order all seven of these liturgical mysteries. You will be better for it, if laughter truly is the “best medicine.”
The icing on the cake is the humor. Included almost as asides or fillers, the hilarious happenings around St. Germaine are told with such a droll delivery, they kept me howling with unrestrained glee. Do not try to drink or eat while reading this book.
14
TheLyric Wore
Lycra

The Newest St. Germaine Mystery
Police Chief Hayden Konig likes solving crimes. He likes his part-time job as organist at St. Barnabas Church. He likes typing his detective stories on Raymond Chandler’s 1939 Underwood typewriter. Hayden is good at two of these things. Crimes rarely go unsolved in the little Appalachian town of St. Germaine, North Carolina. The music at the Episcopal parish is top notch. His writing however ...
“It’s you I want,” she panted, flinging herself onto the davenport, like one might fling a sausage onto a davenport.
“What’s your game, sister?” I queried.
She pulled me down and kissed me like I hadn’t been smooched since that time I ended up with a mouth full of suckers playing spin-the-octopus with the finalists of the 1974 Miss Cephalopod beauty contest.
“This is the game,” she whispered.
“Spin-the-octopus?” I gasped.
“No,” she slurped. “The game of love ...”
Fat Tuesday: the only religious holiday for the horizontally challenged. It’s only natural that St. Barnabas Church should offer a Lenten class called "Paunches Pilates." As the gang ponders forty days of penitence and self control, it becomes clear that there is a murderer in town. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust — will they ever get this mess cleaned up?
Regular Price: $13.95 — from SJMPbooks: $11.15 (20% off!)
01
TheAlto Wore
Tweed

$12.95 $10.00
02
TheBaritone Wore
Chiffon

$12.95 $10.00
03
TheTenor Wore
Tapshoes

$12.95 $10.00
04
TheSoprano Wore
Falsettos

$12.95 $10.00
05
TheBass Wore
Scales

$12.95 $10.00
06
TheMezzo Wore
Mink

$12.95 $10.00
07
The Diva Wore
Diamonds

$12.95 $10.00
08
The Organist Wore
Pumps

$12.95 $10.00
09
TheCountertenor Wore
Garlic

$12.95 $10.00
10
The Christmas Cantata

$12.95 $10.00
11
TheTreble Wore
Trouble

$12.95 $10.00
12
TheCantor Wore
Crinolines

$12.95 $10.00
13
TheMaestro Wore
Mohair

$13.95 $11.15
14
TheLyric Wore
Lycra

$13.95 $11.15
But wait!There's more!
Dear
Priscilla

$23.95 $11.95
The Complete Set

$183.30 $124.00
The Boxed
Set

$77.70 $55.00
About the Author
In 1974, Mark Schweizer, a brand-new high-school graduate decided to eschew the family architectural business and become an opera singer. Against all prevailing wisdom and despite jokes from his peers such as "What does the music major say after his first job interview?" (answer: You want fries with that?), he enrolled in the Music School at Stetson University. To his father, the rationale was obvious. No math requirement.
Everything happens for a reason, however, and he now lives and works as a musician, composer, author and publisher in Tryon, North Carolina with his lovely wife, Donis. If anyone finds out what he's up to, he'll have to go back to work at Mr. Steak. He actually has a bunch of degrees, including a Doctor of Musical Arts from the University of Arizona. I know! What were they thinking?
In the field of bad writing, Mark had the distinction of receiving a Dishonorable Mention in the 2006 BULWER-LYTTON FICTION CONTEST, an annual contest in which the entrants compete for the dubious honor of having composed the worst opening sentence to an imaginary novel. In 2007, his sentence now found on page 17 of The Mezzo Wore Mink was runner-up in the Detective Category. This, and two other of his entries, were featured in It Was A Dark and Stormy Night: A Collection of the Worst Fiction Ever Written, edited by Scott Rice and published by The Friday Project.
In varying stages of his career, Mark has waited tables, written articles for Collegehumor.com, won opera competitions, sung oratorios, taught in college music departments, raised pot-bellied pigs and hedgehogs, directed church choirs, sung the bass solo to Beethoven's 9th with the Atlanta Symphony, hosted a classical music radio show, taught in a seminary, sung recitals, started a regional opera company, published choral music, built a log cabin, written opera librettos, directed stage productions, helped his wife to raise their two children and managed to remain married for thirty-seven years. He also owns several chainsaws.
Well, Donis says, it's never boring.
In the fall of 2001, I began what I hoped would be a funny little book about an Episcopal choir director/ detective that had a flair for bad writing. Now, fourteen years later, that book, The Alto Wore Tweed, is still getting laughs and the rest of the books (bad writing aside) are winning awards and working hard to catch up. Thanks to you, the Hayden Konig adventures continue to make their way into the hands of mystery lovers and across church choirs, one reader and singer at a time.
If you've enjoyed the mysteries in this series--please drop me a line. I'd love to hear from you. Or better yet, sign up for the SJMP mailing list.
The Hayden Konig Blog
Liturgical Mystery Music and Score Downloads
Perform these at your own risk!
Download the Missa di Poli Woli Doodle (Kyrie)
Listen to the Missa di Poli Woli Doodle (Kyrie)
Download The Pirate Eucharist (Liturgy, Music, and Translator)
Listen to The Pirate Gloria.
Download Elisha and the Two Bears
(The unknown Henry Purcell masterpiece)
Listen to Elisha and the Two Bears
Download The Weasel Cantata
The ONLY anthem on the Dietary Laws of Leviticus.
Listen to The Weasel Cantata
Download First Timothy
TBB and Piano — NOT FOR CHURCH, but a lot of fun!
1 Timothy 2:11 - Let your women keep silence in church! Download the PDF file. Then sing it if you dare...
Download The Mouldy Cheese Madrigal
Listen to The Mouldy Cheese Madrigal
Listen to The Banjo Kyrie
- 1 of 11
- ››